At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
