There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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