took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
