fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
