Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
