Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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