Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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