so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
