what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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