Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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