i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
