my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
