so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
