That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
