Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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