Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
