i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
