dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
As shirtless as possible
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
