So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize