Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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