Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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