He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
