1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
