But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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