Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
