I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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