In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
