we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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