Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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