Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
