ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize