I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
