every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
