You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The feeling are messing with the penis
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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