apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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