you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
