If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
