Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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