I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
