You're my little dorito
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize