I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Why is your signature on my underwear?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
