This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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