i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize