he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
