I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
