i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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