Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
