Your mouth is God's brothel.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
