jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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