Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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