He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
