Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
