he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We had sex on a dog bed..
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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