Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
