Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
