So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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