I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
