Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
