my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize