We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
