Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
