Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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