How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
