It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize