My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
