i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
