there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
