I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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