Little spoons don't ask big questions
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
