I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
