What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize