Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize