i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
