Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
If I die, sorry about rent.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
