hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
