i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
