I want to have your abortion
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
