Well apparently he's into motor boating.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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