i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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