You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
