I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
