Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
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