i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
