Even the bartender felt bad for me
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
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Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize