im gay
i know
yea but for you.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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