If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
it wasn't lemon gatorade
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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