My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
she smelled like a LAN party
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
