Already got asked if we're dating
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
