you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
