You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize