thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
