she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just want to make out with him forever
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
