piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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