I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
