so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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