my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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