She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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