I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
