Cold hands, warm shart.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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