She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
