Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
